Are you ready to move beyond the reward/punishment game? From our earliest years we’re taught “If you’re good you’ll get the reward, if you’re bad, you’ll be punished.” Follow my rules and I’ll LOVE you, don’t follow my rules and I won’t LOVE you.”

This is how this world’s set up and it conditions us to believe in fear. Fear of what? Fear of not getting the reward or fear of being punished.

In a sense we’re programmed to believe that “I am good or I am bad” according to our performance. Ya know, the idea that we get the cookie if we “do or say the right thing” cause then “we’re good” and if we don’t do or say the right thing “no cookie, we’re bad.” Ouch!

The world “controls” us through this mechanism, we’re trying to avoid punishment “being bad” so we chase after the reward so we can know that “we’re good.” This just creates anxiety and we’re never really happy.

At the root of this is “If I do the right thing then “I’ll be LOVED” = reward. If I don’t do the right thing “I’m won’t be LOVED” = punishment.

This might sound silly to our conscious minds, but this is what’s going on deep below and is creating our show. Why do we get upset when we don’t get what we want, people don’t agree with us or behave the ways we want them to, etc? The why is because of the ideas we have inside, reward/punishment = “I am loved, I’m not loved.”

How does this play out? Here’s an example from my own life. When I had anorexia, the reward/punishment cycle was what was going on deep inside and driving my behaviors. If I exercised all day, I could eat something = “good girl” if I didn’t exercise, no food for me = “bad girl.” The same ideas play out with bulimia. “Eat/purge” which = reward/punishment.

When I went into treatment centers to heal from anorexia, the programs were set up as a reward/punishment. If I “gained weight and ate all my food” I would move up my levels and have more options to do more things. If I didn’t, I was punished and had to sit in the day room all day. “Bad girl eh?” Well this was how I felt, and made me feel worse about myself. Hence why I never got better in treatment centers, the punishment/reward needed to stop in order for me to BE FREE.

How ever we were taught as children that we would BE LOVED is now what’s driving our show. For instance; if we’re having issues with money and if we allow ourselves to go back in time to see how money was used/abused or the messages about being a “good girl/boy or bad girl/boy, we can see why we’re having issues today.

For me, when I was younger, spending money wasn’t okay, if I saved, I got praised. As I grew up and started earning my own money, every time I wanted to buy myself something, I would get a sick feeling in my stomach and my mind would try to talk me out of it, why? If I spent my money, “I wouldn’t BE LOVED” so I punished myself by not spending it, get it? This isn’t something I knew consciously, I was just having a struggle and felt sick inside.

Some of us aren’t aware of the deeper reasons why we “push away” what we say we want. This is mostly stemming from our subconscious. For instance; enjoying life, giving to ourselves, having great relationships, a lover, earning a great income, easily giving, sharing and loving, etc. We “punish” ourselves by not “allowing these things.”

All these experiences have deep rooted ideas that are creating the life we’re living today. If we feel that we’ll BE LOVED for having these things, then we’re probably experiencing this. IF we want these these things but it’s not happening, then we’re pushing it away because of the ideas that we’re bad or we won’t BE LOVED if we allow ourselves to experience these things, again, this idea isn’t in our conscious awareness.

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No matter how many affirmations we do, vision boards we create, seminars we take to manifest, if we have any under “lying” beliefs that aren’t congruent with what we want “I won’t be LOVED or I’ll be bad” then, I think ya know what I’m gonna say eh?

To me, the reward/punishment system is NOT a way to treat human BEings. It makes us believe that we are what we have or do and we have to “prove” and this my LOVES only hurts me and you. It’s great to have a motivating factor, however, if it means anything about punishment or getting the reward according to how we act in other people’s eyes, to me is harm in disguise.

The reward/punishment cycle also leads to people pleasing, which can and often does distance ourselves from living from our truth. By people pleasing we never get to know ourSELVES, we become what others want us to be, and we’re never truly happy.

So, how do we get free of the reward/punishment cycle? By noticing how we act and re-act when things go our way and when they don’t go our way. By noticing what we’re saying our experiences mean about us “Good girl/boy, bad girl/boy.” Or “I am LOVED, I’m not LOVED.” By noticing if we’re punishing ourselves; this can be subtle, however, if we’re sensitive to our emotions, we’ll feel it.

This is more of a feeling then an intellectual process, we can’t really understand using logic and reason, that only talks us out of how we’re truly feeling.

We’ll never BE at peace inside as long as reward/punishment is ruling our lives. Which underneath it all, at the core is “I am good/bad, I am LOVED, I’m not LOVED.”

Imagine what it would be like for you to walk in the world feeling LOVED no matter how you’re being or what’s happening in your reality.

Imagine if you weren’t attached to the getting the “reward” or you’re in fear of being “punished” because inside you’re okay, you feel LOVED in every way and you’re just enjoying this earthly play. How do you think your life would BE living this way as you move about your day?

Here’s the simple truth, at the core of our BEing is peace, LOVE, joy and harmony, once we remove the conditioning and believing in the reward/punishment game, we set ourSELVES FREE and life becomes a magical journey.

You CAN do this if you choose, it all starts with loving beautiful you.