What’s the issue behind the issue?
Through my own healing and working with many clients over the years I’ve come to understand human behavior and what goes on inside. This isn’t something I read in a book, although many books teach this, it’s something I’ve learned through my personal experiences and with assisting others on their journey.
When a client comes in with an issue, it’s not about the presenting issue, even though the client might think it is. Most often our “negative” behaviors and not being able to create the life we desire are ways that we’re trying to get a need met or cover up anger. hurt or resentment.
We don’t know this consciously, but our psychies are very smart and will do anything to help us in ways that we need acknowledgment, love and support or they will find a way to help us escape through addictions if we can’t handle the pain we’re feeling inside.
For instance, when I had anorexia, I used my body to speak for me. I didn’t feel like anyone cared, I used my body and starving myself to get love and attention. I also used it as a way to get respect. What do I mean by this? My family knew that when I was eating, I was NOT to be disturbed. They would do anything for me when I was acting out in the eating disorder.
Wow, powerful way of setting boundaries and getting attention eh? Not so powerful as I was destroying myself, for what, respect and love? Why did I want respect and love? I wanted to feel like I mattered. It went much deeper, but I think ya get the gist eh?
So, what am I conveying? I’m conveying that actions speak louder then words and it helps if we can notice what’s really going on underneath, what are our actions revealing? This might help you with yourself, if you’re seeing clients or with your friends and family.
When someone’s angry or rebellious, underneath is a little child saying, “I’m hurting, I don’t know how to deal with life, I’m doing anger, hurt and blame because I don’t know how to handle this earthly game, please LOVE me.” What they’re doing is asking for LOVE in a non direct way.
Now, you might say “Hey, they’re responsible for loving themselves, they’re ___ years old.” Ya, i understand, however, not everyone is aware of this or knows how to love themselves. The one who’s doing anger has regressed to a little child, so it’s like telling a little child “Oh, just love yourself.” How do you think that really helps them?
I recently responded to a post from a coach who was asking how they could get their client to drink more water. It’s not about getting yourself or anyone to do anything. It’s about finding out what’s going on inside, “why” we do what we do. Forcing anyone to be certain way often brings up ego defenses, it’s not the best way to go about things. There’s always a positive reason why we do what we do. Finding out what that is will help understand what’s really going on.
If you feel inspired to do so, you can notice what’s going on inside of you. Notice your self talk, notice your behaviors, become an observer of you and why do you do what you do. Do you do things for love and approval? Would you still do what you do it if you didn’t get it? Do you act out in ways that you know is harmful to you, but you do it anyway?
Self awareness is not to beat yourself up, it’s just that, self awareness, it helps us understand what we believe, not what we want to believe. It helps us see our hidden intentions, ya know, those things we don’t wanna look at or mention. It’s kinda cool when ya can see life as a game, it will keep ya from going insane. Go ahead and play in a light hearted way, you’ll feel more relaxed as you move along the journey in this play.
Loving you beautiful souls
Awakening To Unconditional Love:
I AM LOVED SHIRTS